Still a long way to go

the up's and down's on the way to my dream

Pain is my friend

Let me introduce you to pain. Shake hands because pain is my new best friend. Also it’s my new worst enemy. And no, your eyes are not failing you, I am writing about pain being my friend and enemy. You want to know why? Then read on, if you don’t want to know then skip a few lines, because I do have something to ask you later on…

I’m not sure if I told this before, but for the ones who don’t want to read all of my other posts and maybe for the first time for everybody else I’ll tell here my little story of injuries.

The first thing I really remember was when I turned 14. I had a little party for my friends that night and was moving some chairs downstairs. I had slippers on my feet which is not a really smart thing walking on stairs of wood, but I was wearing them anyway. So I only had to go a few steps down when the inevitable happened: I slipped and fell with the chair in my hands. Resulting in a bruised elbow. I couldn’t write, only with my left hand, which worked but was slow and not so neat. I couldn’t bent my arm, really handy. Well, that was over in about six weeks. But right after that I fell into some kind of routine, bruised a finger, six weeks trouble, bruised something else, six weeks or longer trouble, and so on and on and on and on. Yes, there have been a few ”changes” in the routine, I sometimes took a break from all the injuries but I was never ”clean” for a month. Except for last summer. That was one month and a half. It’s not only been bruises, I have also torn a few muscles, disabled a few joint and I’ve got extra scars.

I’m 18 years old right now and kind of sick of it. But as hard as I try to go for a no-injurie-month, it doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do next, not go outside, wear some kind of protection suit? Then my mun send me to the doctor. So I went. I told him about me getting bruised so easily and sometimes not even noticing it myself anymore. I didn’t really have to tell him because he sees me a lot when I bruise something. Then he asked me if I’m clumsy. A good question, but NO, I’M NOT CLUMSY! His next question was a little weird. He asked me to lie my thumb against my wrist. So I did. Yes, he said, what I thought, can you bend your knees further then normal? I could do that too, I can overstretch almost every joint in my body. Mostly my fingers and hands and knees and ankles. That’s why they get bruised all the time!

I’m what the call hypermobile. Not many people have that, as the doctor said, fewer people experience it the way I do. Then you call it hypermobility syndrome (HMS). What does it mean, you want to know? It means that the bands around your joints are like too stretchy. Too flexible. That’s why I can overstrecht everything. That’s really useful and nice to have but, being me, bruising a lot is a side effect. When a ball falls on my finger, for example, it stretches so far that it bruises. With normal people the finger stops and doesn’t bruise, but because I can stretch it so far I do bruise it. If you can still follow. That’s what it is, the syndrome. Also it almost grantees no breaking bones. I always wondered why I couldn’t break, also because of that apparently.

As for the other problem, not feeling pain and stuff. He had an explaination for that too. I have a very high pain threshold, always have had that, since I was born. I remember having an appendicitis when I was like 6 years old. My mum kept asking if I wasn’t in pain, I kept saying I wasn’t. Kind of strange and if you have had an appendicitis you might know what I’m talking about, because it does hurt. Well, since I’ve been training karate since I was 9 years old my pain threshold is getting higher. Which no results in not feeling things at all. Kind of funny when you think of it, but also very dangerous. What if I don’t feel something really bad happened to me. I don’t go to a doctor when I don’t feel something, what if something really bad follows? I don’t want to think of all the things that can happen when I might not feel it. But I have to face it. Like a little while ago. I woke up and I fell something on the back of my hand. I looked at it and saw this cut of almost 2 inches! I still don’t know how the hell I got it! Excuse my speaking.

I thought about all of this the past week. A thought occurred to me. When I started training karate, when I started attending competitions, I wanted one of the guys to coach me all the time. He’s a really good fighter himself, but most of all, he never made me stop. Always encouraged me to go on, to see pain as my best friend. He used to say ”pijn is fijn” (pain is nice, doesn’t rhyme in English, does in Dutch). I never forgot about that, always believed it, that’s why, at one competition I was completely bruised inside and almost couldn’t walk straight. I didn’t give up untill my coach said so, it was a different coach and he had to take me out because my parents said so. I didn’t want to quite, I didn’t care about the pain, pain was my best friend, how could I let it down, how could I ever give up because of that?

I even wrote a poem last week, explaining things if you understand it:

Pain is my friend

I know it’s there

because I see it

And you can see it too

I don’t feel it


You would fall down

and cry

scream for something

to stop it


I see it

I don’t feel it

But I know you would


It doesn’t hurt me

It doesn’t touch me

not in the way it should


Someone once told me

that pain is my friend

that it shouldn’t stop me

 that I shouldn’t bend


Are you telling me different?

’cause I can’t be afraid

They say I should feel it

or they call me insane


Will you try to help me

in any way you can?

Try to listen when I tell you

and love me for who I am?


So that’s how it is with that. Something else now. I had my very first audition last friday. In English. I got there with the idea of getting a new experience. The other girls had done much more than I in acting so I obviously thought I was doomed. Then, in the end, they said they thought I was the best of them all. They just loved my English, thought it was charming, cute and all that. I couldn’t be more happy. They said that I definitely got a part in their pilot, so far I haven’t heard from them, but I’m still waiting. I wasn’t nervous, I just enjoyed everything. At one point I had to read something that would embarrass me in real life but I just thought ”what the hell, I’m acting here!” and I went for it ”What about sex!” It was amazing, and then hearing they thought you were the best! AMAZING!

One last thing then. I’ve been developing a new story in my head but I can’t figure out one thing, I need something, you see, and maybe you guys can help me with suggestions. I’ll tell you the idea of the story.

It’s about Nathalia Portman, a very rich girl, only child and very spoiled. She has to move across the country in the middle of her high school graduation year which she obviously doesn’t like. But while she is rich, she’s not really bitchy and all that, she can actually be really nice. Since her parents force her to move, she wants to get back at them in any way she can. She finds the perfect way.

When her parents go to the school for an intake they see this young girl and ask the principal who it is. The principal tells them that the girl is Max(ime) LaForêt, a 15 y/o girl in her senior year because she is highly gifted. She get bored in every class and finds all kinds of ways to get send to the principal, teacher just let her go even if she doesn’t do anything. Nathalia’s parents don’t like the sound of that and the definitely don’t want their daughter to be friends with that.

Then one time Nathalia does something bad and gets send to the principal where she meets Max and all hell breaks loose.

Thing is I don’t know why Nathalia gets send to the principal, it should be something really bad, because her parents have to come to. I any of you should think of such a thing, please tell me by commenting on this post!

See you next week!!



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